Tag Archive: Sad

Okay. So it’s been a pretty long since I wrote my previous post. I was just absent due to my sheer boredom, a lack of happening life, my dull brain which was busy sucking on funny cartoon series.

My birthday went great. My sweet babe made my dream of having the perfect birthday come true. After that nothing great happened.

Anyhow, my college is about to open up in an another day and a half.

Am I looking forward?
–> Well, I was initially – till I didn’t get the shock that companies would be coming to recruit us in just few days.  Down

Am I geared up for something so huge and equally life changing?
–> No. Apparently I’m not even remotely eligible for it. Which totally sucks.

Another shock I got just a few minutes back, while I was accidentally surfing up my future, that I’m too late for that too.

So in short, I’m screwed up from top to bottom, without a glitch!

Am I scared?
–> Yes. Because I know most of my friends will be out, happy and joyfully in just a matter of few months with their aspirations and dreams in their hands, and I’ll be as usual just sitting and singing the songs of my procrastination.

Also the fact which scares me to death is : how I’ll tell my parents about my failure.

At times, I feel as if I should give up on everything.

Will it really make a difference?
–> I was a nobody and will be a nobody!

I thought I’ll make my parents proud, I’ll make them feel that I’m not who they think I am. But dang! I just let that dream of mine loose too. I feel frustrated, weak, incompetent. I have let myself down as usual. My perfect dream of having a  perfect life is perfectly shattered into perfect pieces. I feel like a loser. A mere weed in the ocean of beautiful pearl producing oysters.

They say, don’t lose hope. Everything will be alright. Also when God closes one door, he opens another one for you.


My question to them: When?   

The only time when I can cry as much as I want and still come out feeling beautiful and happy, without anyone judging me – My Shower.
It is one place where most of my honest, unadulterated and practical thinking is done.

Today I woke up depressed. Cried my heart out thinking about my future, while taking a bath. My college life is about to get over. It’s so sad to see how – even though unintentionally – I’ll be murdering so many expectations. The burden of how I’ll break the news to my folks of a bleak future, breaks and shatters me into million tiny pieces. I feel as if I’m the worst child ever.

I listen to so many friends of mine, fretting about their future, even though they are doing decently well in academics. I hear them cursing the system and college and how the kids who don’t even the know basics of running of an application, end up scoring marks and they don’t. Yes, it’s disheartening to see that you have more knowledge but just because you can’t vomit the books onto the paper, you are categorized under the mediocre category. So, I eventually just end up encouraging them, oh how amazing person each one of them is, and no matter how the college treats them, I have full confidence that bright future awaits in a near future.

I never say a word about my story. The pain I get up with everyday in my heart including the cry sessions I have in my shower, thinking where will I go after my college gets over. For me, it’s a funeral everyday. But according to people, I’m another person who is least bothered about studies, who is always having a fun time, who can give them tips on how to dress up or do their hair, be bitchy, who can give advice when they need help (friends), and later just ignore me.

I’m sick and tired of this image and it pinches me when people treat me as trash. Just because I don’t speak my lifeline doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings or I’m not concerned. I’m not asking you to sit and listen to my story. All I want is a small gesture of kindness where I get a re-assurance that I’ll do well in life, no matter whatever situation I’m in right now. Nothing else. I know the situation is screwed up, but giving a tiny hope of happiness to someone isn’t really much to ask for. Even little words would work magic for me.

Pretty sad, right? But this is the only place apart from my bathroom, where I can convey my true feelings.

So please God, roll the double 6’s for me already! Everyone is about to reach the end, and I’m still stuck at the beginning of the race. It’s killing me every single moment.

PS: This is pure PMS.

PPS: Only 50 days left for my birthday! Yeay! So excited! 😀