Tag Archive: Hope


Metamorphosis.

Dear Voilette,

I’m 22 going on 23. I really wish when I’m writing this to you, you would have been old enough and here to read it. But I really hope the message gets conveyed to you.

I see you in my dreams more often than I expected. Even though I never got a chance to see you, but you truly seem to be one precious gem. Snow white skinned, big bright eyes, soft lips calling to be kissed. I know you would have been the most beautiful girl I would have ever met.

By the time you would have read it, I would be cynical, over worked and cranky, like I see my parents are today. But only seeing that side of me is not what I wanted. Maybe I would be passionate about my work, eccentric, and happy.

I want you to know, that every day is a challenge, but that every time you walk out that door, there will be someone waiting for you to get home to whom you can proudly display your battle wounds. There will be people who’ll try to change you to suit their needs, but for each of these, know that there are others who’ll help you change to better yourself. Learn to recognize the difference. I took me ages… you won’t always find people exactly like you, but no matter who you’re with, be yourself. Always know, at the end of the day, not even the closest friend whom you trust, would be there for you. It’s only going to be your family, who’ll support you even if we know you are wrong. I learnt this from my cousin.

I want you to have principles, and stick to them. If you believed something once, you had a reason to think that way. Don’t let peer pressure make you forget what you once stood by. But don’t be stubbornly resistant to change either.

Don’t be scared of making mistakes. I am, but that doesn’t stop me from making them all the time. It just makes me more conscious of every trip and stumble, when I pick myself up again.

Look at yourself carefully every morning. Red streaks, or two plaits; fat or skinny; knobby knees, or gorgeous legs; big eyes or mosquito-bite breasts; I want you to be proud of yourself, exactly the way you are. And I want you to remember that, what’s inside is a thousand times more valuable than what is outside. I’ve learnt that from my mother, but will she be there to teach you the same?

The world will love you and hate you for what you do and what you think. So make sure your thoughts and your actions are stable and reliable and valued enough (by you) to keep you steady and give you strength through anything the world throws at you.

I wonder are you confounded by Math and every science subject as I am? Do you have the same passion for dance and craft work like I do at times? Who is your role model? Do you know the history of your family? Are you loud, like me, or quiet, like your grandmother? I can very well imagine her soft laugh in the next room. Will she still be laughing like that many years from now? There are so many things I want to tell you, things I don’t want to forget, and fear I will. Things that may be ‘too trivial’ in another five years…

Never forget your ambitions, even the ones lost or changed. They have strange ways of cropping up again and fitting into your life. Would you follow what’s been happening in the family or will you break the chain and follow your passion?

Never, ever make the mistake of convincing yourself that your instinct is wrong. If something looks or feels wrong, then it most probably is. Trust your instinct.

Enjoy each day like it’s the last one you’ll live. Is this saying still a cliché? Don’t let anything bother you. Make sure, whatever grudges you have against someone; just dump it up before you go to sleep each day. And wake up feeling fresh and happy. Don’t let it eat you up, because that won’t let you enjoy of who you are.

One day you’ll meet the guy you’ll love. Maybe you’ve already met him. Wasn’t it the headiest feeling in the world when he said he loved you? It was for me. But, also the scariest. It takes a trust I’m still learning to give. Trust is something to be preserved for special people. Don’t let love blind you from the wrongs. Always give yourself time before you take a step ahead. Think twice. Thrice. N number of times you want. Don’t feel right about it, then don’t. Maybe it’s not worth it. Never give up on your aspirations and hopes for someone like that. Until you are not dead sure about it. I learned it the tough way.

Right now I’m changing. In small ways, and big. I’ve seen a certain amount of heart break (no doubt I’ll see more) and a great deal of love, more than I could ever wish for. My morals, my ideals, my resolutions, my wants and my beliefs are being formed, being broken and, formed again.

I always believed in the saying “Whatever’s happening, is for the best.” Would you believe in it too?

Listen kiddo, I would have given up on everything just to have you in my arms, but maybe the timings weren’t right. I really hope you understand why I am saying this. And I know that you would have been equally supportive and understanding like I am towards my mother. I really love you. And you’ll always be cherished for generations in my mind.

You made me mature; grow up in a way I never would have expected myself to.

Lots of love

Okay. So it’s been a pretty long since I wrote my previous post. I was just absent due to my sheer boredom, a lack of happening life, my dull brain which was busy sucking on funny cartoon series.

My birthday went great. My sweet babe made my dream of having the perfect birthday come true. After that nothing great happened.

Anyhow, my college is about to open up in an another day and a half.

Am I looking forward?
–> Well, I was initially – till I didn’t get the shock that companies would be coming to recruit us in just few days.  Down

Am I geared up for something so huge and equally life changing?
–> No. Apparently I’m not even remotely eligible for it. Which totally sucks.

Another shock I got just a few minutes back, while I was accidentally surfing up my future, that I’m too late for that too.

So in short, I’m screwed up from top to bottom, without a glitch!

Am I scared?
–> Yes. Because I know most of my friends will be out, happy and joyfully in just a matter of few months with their aspirations and dreams in their hands, and I’ll be as usual just sitting and singing the songs of my procrastination.

Also the fact which scares me to death is : how I’ll tell my parents about my failure.

At times, I feel as if I should give up on everything.

Will it really make a difference?
–> I was a nobody and will be a nobody!

I thought I’ll make my parents proud, I’ll make them feel that I’m not who they think I am. But dang! I just let that dream of mine loose too. I feel frustrated, weak, incompetent. I have let myself down as usual. My perfect dream of having a  perfect life is perfectly shattered into perfect pieces. I feel like a loser. A mere weed in the ocean of beautiful pearl producing oysters.

They say, don’t lose hope. Everything will be alright. Also when God closes one door, he opens another one for you.

Failure

My question to them: When?